So, there has been bile seeping into my heart for a good long while now.

There was an email that I swore I’d never read.

I responded blind and let my best friends read and gauge my response. They swore I did great and then I caved and read it tonight. I suck. I’m weak.

BUT I FREAKIN’ ATE THE DAMN SUSHI! (maybe not the pieces with mayo, mayo is icky.)

I love my husband. His words: some people “don’t care about a good something positive, but they’re all over something vaguely negative.”

I know that that’s true. I know I should be able to suck in all the positive energy that my life is bursting with and ignore the cancerous darkness poking at the perimeter, but it’s not happening.

So here is an official public notice:

I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER WANTS TO GO TO “N” TOWN. THE ONLY REASON I EVER WANT TO GO TO “N” TOWN IS TO

• SEE MY NANA OR PAPA WHO CAN’T DRIVE TO “V” CITY
• GO OUT FOR A GOOD FRIEND’S BIRTHDAY PARTY
• BE THERE FOR A BIRTH OF A GOOD FRIEND’S BABY

EVERY TIME WE ENTER “N” TOWN CITY LIMITS, AS A COLLECTIVE FAMILY UNIT, I SAY TO “THE PANTS” IN OUR FAMILY:

“DO YOU WANT TO:

1. STAY WITH
2. VISIT
3. OR CALL YOUR “COLLECTIVE PEOPLE”

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS.

NOR HAVE I EVER DONE ANYTHING BUT ENCOURAGE A POSITIVE RESPONSE.(READ: ARE YOU SURE? REALLY? BUT, WHAT IF WE JUST…)

IF MY PRESENCE IS AN ISSUE,

MAKE IT KNOWN

THAT I RELISH THE FREE TIME TO SPEND WITH MY MOM, NANA AND GIRLFRIENDS, WHOM I DON’T GET TO SEE ENOUGH OF, WITHOUT THE GUILT OF WONDERING WHAT MY HUSBAND AND SPAWN ARE UP TO.

I HAVE ALSO MADE THIS FACT KNOWN TO “THE PANTS” AND HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THE ACTIONS PERFORMED WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE.

I COULD NOT BE CLEARER WITH ANY OF THE PARTIES INVOLVED THAT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TARGETED AS THE “THE ISSUE” WHEN THERE ARE CLEARLY ISSUES ABOUND HERE THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH.

I GIVE UP! WHITE FLAG! I, ME, “the little Mrs,” WAS THE ONE WHO TRIED TO ORCHESTRATE THE MAJORITY OF CONTACT THAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST, BUT I AM OFFICIALLY DONE (this is actually a legally, binding statement, I have a Notary Public on my lap right now). IN THE FUTURE, IT MAY BEHOOVE YOU TO RESEARCH WHO IS ON YOUR SIDE AND WHO IS ABSOLUTELY AMBIVALENT BEFORE YOU WAGE A WAR.

GOOD DAY TO ALL OF YOU. GOOD DAY.